I'm not so civil in engineering a joke...

• Why was the slab mourning?
  It was carrying a dead load.
• Why do complex numbers keep on falling down?
  They don’t have real roots.
• Why don’t Newton’s equations for motion smile?
  They are modelling.
• What did the aggregate say to the cement?
  I am fine.
• What is the time when someone sits on a beam?
  A Bending moment
• Why was the floor blushing?
  The ceiling had a beam
• Why are pin joints so busy?
  Don’t even have a moment
• Why do lawyers hate clay?
  Take long for settlements.
• Why did the geotechnical engineer call the ambulance?
  The soil was at its critical state.
• Why was the foundation sick?
  It had piles
• Why did the civil engineer start playing music at the construction site?
  The piles were bored
• Why did the river go to hell?
  It was dammed
• What did the pile say to the engineer?
  Stop boring me
• Why did the truss cry?
  It was dismembered.
• How do we know loam soils are intelligent?
  They are highly graded.
• What disease do reports suffer from?
  Appendix-itis
• Why did the freezing researcher go to the abstract?
  It was summer-ary.
• Why did Elizabeth dig a borehole?
  To figure out Darcy’s law
• What was the weather in the atom?
  Cloudy with a chance of electrons.
• What did the Geotech guy say to the borehole?
  Are you well?
• What did the dissolving salt say?
  Don’t disturb, I am concentrating
• Why did the fourier transform get hot flushes?
  Reached its menopause after so many periods…
• Why did the slab go to jail?
  Too many load cases
• Court to mathematician : Why do you want a divorce?
  Mathematician: Coz we just have a hyperbolic relationship
  Court: What?
  Mathematician: We never meet at ground 0
• Where do reports get their existential crisis?
  In the abstract
• What did the linear say to the cubic?
  “You’ve got nice curves”
• A civil engineer walked into a bar, and died.
• Why did e^x die in the market? It couldn’t be differentiated
• What did the Taylor’s series say to the mathematician?
  “You’re deriving me crazy”
• So why did Taylor get a speed ticket?
  He was deriving unlimited.
• Why did w become y’s x?
  They just weren’t coordinates.

Don’t be uncivil… after all I did use Eurocode to prevent their structural failure but Brexit happened.